Self Care

Recently, there has been an article about self-care circulating around Facebook via several ladies I know. The tag, if you look closely is Self Care: How to Take Care of Yourself When You Have Depression. I am not a person who suffers from depression unless you count a few relatively short bouts of sadness, but this article really got me thinking about how one does and should take care of one's self.

What does Self-Care Even Mean?

Social media leads me to believe that self care is motivational quotes served over a Sex And The City style boozy brunch, blowing off impending deadlines in favor of some fabulous time with my ladies and/or a credit card, eating decadent meals and treats, buying expensive things, wearing incredible 'impromptu' outfits and taking beautiful Instagram photos (And yes, it is true that there is something totally cathartic about these things). OR a hike in the woods, with a spur of the moment pretzel-twist yoga pose with perfect lighting and a "You are Enough" tagline. Don't get me wrong - that's the kind of Self-Care I yearn for but is not necessarily practical in the day to day marathon of my Life.

The Atlantic wrote a really lovely piece on Self-Care, and how it fits with the rest of the internet  (click here to read it) 

According to dictionary.com Self-Care is 

noun 1. care of the self without medical or other professional consultation.

goodtherapy.org says

The term self-care describes the actions that an individual might take in order to reach optimal physical and mental health. Mental health professionals often use the term self-care to refer to one's ability to take care of the activities of daily living, or ADLs, such as feeding oneself, showering, brushing one's teeth, wearing clean clothes, and attending to medical concerns. Physical self-care, such as sleep and exercise, is also an ADL.

Self-care can also refer to activities that an individual engages in to relax or attain emotional well-being, such as meditating, journaling, or visiting a counselor. Because an extended failure to care for one’s self can result in illness or hospitalization, individuals who find themselves unable to take care of their own needs may find it helpful to speak to a therapist.

In fact, I think Self-care is really what you need it to be. It can be anything from wearing clean clothes and feeding yourself to indulging in recreational activities. The University of Kentucky has a nice little hand out on the subject that covers the generals quite nicely (click here) I don't necessarily think this solves any of the things that need self care solving.

Anyways, my brain started churning and I started evaluating my habits and habit goals to figure out where I hide some self-care and what it looks like.

I broke my self-care goals and habits into daily practices and long term habits to see what I do to LITERALLY take care of myself. Some of these things are really unfun and were covered in the aforementioned articles (e.g. paying bills, eating food, wearing clean clothes, brushing teeth etc.) and some are the "does that really count as self-care?" kind of way.

Behold! A list of what I do (and try to do) in order to maintain some sort of control over  life on the musical run.

DAILY

Read a Book

Every night. Before Bed. Fiction if possible. Obviously not a whole book all at once. A couple pages will do. This will make you a more empathetic person. I'm not lying! The research is in and you can read it here

If you need a musical reason - look what the Kronos Quartet tweeted a few days ago... (click here to read the full Washington Post article)

This is scary guys! Don't let books die! Research says we need them! They make us human, they help us communicate! We need that, dare I say more than ever these days.

I still love this book. For the record, Blanche loves books and despises technology.

Calm 

Magnesium. Not really something we think about very often. I will be the first to say that I didn't even know it was a thing we really needed until a few years ago and now I firmly believe that every performer needs to be hooked on this like drugs (or sugar). Our poor little adrenal glands are just pumping away and we drown them in coffee and stimulants making us more haggard, grumpy, groggy, anxious, nervous, etc. I started 'using' during my Masters Degree. Almost immediately I felt the effects. I was calm in the face of snarky professors, I didn't take things super personally, I felt rested in the morning , less jittery at performances and all around more clear headed (don't even get me started on bowel movements). 

From www.breakingmuscle.com

According to the makers of Natural Calm, magnesium deficiency can result in symptoms such as: stress, low energy, muscle tension, muscle spasms and cramps, headaches, insomnia, fatigue and weakness, abnormal heart rhythms, hormonal imbalances, weakening bones, constipation, anxiety, and irritability.

~Hello everyday anxiety! I know I'm not the only one who complains about these things at rehearsals~

About Natural Calm

Natural Calm comes in powder form and should be dissolved into hot water. You will see the powder react to the water forming a fizzy solution.

According to Natural Vitality, Natural Calm is an ionic form of magnesium, which increases its bioavailability. As their brochure explains, "An ionic mineral is an element that has a charge, either positive or negative. On the molecular level, that means the element has either one too many one too few electrons. This unstable ionic state allows the element to bond readily with water, making it possible for the body to absorb it.” Natural Calm is easier to absorb into the body because of its liquid form and therefore more advantageous than taking magnesium by pill or capsule. In addition, Natural Calm is designed to have low acidity to allow it to both dissolve properly in water and not affect the pH-balance of your body.

For a good time add some Melatonin to the mix. I recommend writing your dreams down if you do this.

Stretch/Do Yoga

You don't have to go to a fancy yoga studio to stretch your body. You don't always have to do 'Power Yoga'. You don't have to lose albs of sweat to have a yoga practice.

Sometimes I have to squeeze my yoga in backstage, in heels and concert clothes.....that's how important it is to me!

In fact, just buy a book, or google a yoga class, or move your body in a way that makes you groan and moan (in a PG kind of way). I've been doing this long enough to know there are some pretty tight and 'juicy' spots in my body that need attention everyday. If I don't do this I literally feel like my body has been shrink wrapped in super tight plastic wrap. Do you know what that does to your psyche!? TERRIBLE, STIFF THINGS! The yoga teachers of the world know a thing or two about this and have written books galore on the topic. If you're new to my blog you might not know how cool I think B.K.S. Iyengar is and I really encourage you to skim some of his writings on the topic of yoga, pranayama, asanas, the sutras of Patanjali. 

Books about YOGA, Violin, Music, B.K.S.Iyengar, meditation.....you probably need all of these.

I do this for a minimum of 30 minutes a day. Two words - HIPS and SHOULDERS. If you hit these bad boys with some yoga you will breathe deeper and feel calmer. I guarantee it. Sometimes I like to challenge myself and work on the 'fancy' stuff that you see all over Instagram, sometimes I like to hang out in poses for several minutes at a time, sometimes I do both. 

Move your body

I consider exercise a daily necessity. I need to burn off some of the stress. I need to make my heart pump, my muscles sore, and my body sweat. I don't consider my physical maintenance a luxury, I consider it a necessity. A requirement for high caliber violin playing and teaching and inter-personal skill(ing).

running - just one kind of body moving I partake in.

Practice

Doesn't this count as work? Yes, I guess? But I'm not talking about prepping for the weekend concert, I'm talking about technical maintenance and improvement. I spend 30-60mins per day doing technical warm ups and drills. My dog and boyfriend hate me (and Carl Flesch) but again, this is not a luxury it is a requirement filed under Self-care.

I see you hiding there Mr. Flesch.....

Hydrate 

A constant struggle. I can typically be seen clutching an over-sized water bottle. No matter what this is difficult for me. One day my body will just give in and be hydrated. Until then I will neurotically keep my Hyro Flask close by at all times. Drinking enough water everyday flushes out all that yuck from your body, and helps you feel more energetic

WEEKLY

A Day Off!

This one is hard won. I am always so tempted to over schedule myself. MUST TAKE ALL WORK OFFERED is the general mindset of freelance musicians. This year, I have fought hard to keep one day obligation free. Don't get me wrong - I still 'work' I just don't get out of my pajamas, I don't teach a single lesson, and I certainly don't go anywhere work related.

This is tough. 

When rescheduling lessons I'm often tempted to use this day to work with students or help out in the music library. Then my nagging internal voice says "NO! BE SELFISH!" And so far I don't regret it.

Sarah Paulson recently kind of spoke about this in an interview for GQ. She talks about finding success later in life, taking naps and reading books on a day off, and not feeling the need to work constantly. I used to think naps were for the weak! Now I applaud the confident napper. Your brain thanks you for those minutes (or hours) of snooze. Also, her interview is pretty great if you, like me, are not a child prodigy and didn't become wildly successful in your career early on in life.

This mythical, mystical day off is also the day I go to my happy place - the horse barn - for a riding lesson and a few hours away from emails, phone calls, metronome speeds, bills, auditions, and dissertation writing. I always return home rejuvenated. Something about horses, man......more on that some other time.

Sonrise Stables

Bubble Bath

This is borderline Social Media Luxury. Honestly, I intend to do this once a week but it happens more like once a month.

Run a hot bath,

add Epson Salts,

add bubbles,

toss a few drops of Essential Oil in there.

apply a face mask,

light some candles,

turn on some music,

or a podcast, or book on tape (cramming empathy into every corner of my life!)

Just chill out.

Do NOT make To-Do lists, text, email, worry, stress, or let what is outside of the bathtub get you down.

After your bath go straight to bed. You will sleep like a baby and wake the next morning feeling refreshed and revived.

Monthly/Long term

Boring Stuff

Pay bills/clean the house/file all of the receipts/stare blankly at personal accounting software.

You get the picture. Some of this tuff should probably go on my weekly self-care list but honestly this is just a pile of 'care' that I do because I know it needs to be done. 

Pedicure

I mean come on, a foot rub and some toe nail TLC never hurt anyone. Reflexology is a thing! Don't deny those pressure points! When was the last time you gave yourself a foot massage?...Exactly! 

Plus this is pretty much the only time I ever open a magazine. It feels good to catch up on the gossip and fashion while my feet are being made fancy.

Body Massage

I wish this happened more often than it does. I know I sound like such a broken record over here whining about the aches and pains of string players but I genuinely believe the human body was not created with the intent of holding a string instrument for 3+ hours per day. A good body worker/massage therapist pretty much takes a rolling pin to the kinks (not really, obviously) and puts everything pretty much back in place. Plus it helps prevent and ease depression. So find yourself a good one and never let them go!

as read on www.MassageEnvy.com

Massage Therapy Helps Lift Depression

Taking time for massage is as important for people dealing with depression as it is for people dealing with arthritis, sports injuries and carpal tunnel syndrome. WebMD reviewed more than a dozen studies that revealed how massage can fight depression by lowering cortisol levels.

Cortisol is the body's response to stress, and massage therapy lowers it by as much as 50%. At the same time, massage provides many benefits and can also increase the levels of serotonin and dopamine, which are both neurotransmitters that help stabilize your mood.

Results of Massage

The International Journal of Neuroscience studied a group of people with spinal cord injuries who were also suffering from depression. Twice a week for five weeks, half the patients received two 40-minute sessions of motion exercises while the other half received two 40-minute massages.

Both groups improved their physical abilities during that time, but the people who received massage therapy also became less depressed. So even while exercise has long been accepted as a means of combating depression, massage not only provides additional benefits but can also relieve stiffness and soreness resulting from physical exercise.

What do you do to take care of yourself? Any seemingly boring tips? What about the fun and glamorous things? Leave a comment below and share your Self-Care!  

Mini Series Part I: Joshua Bell

Joshua Bell with the Tulsa Symphony, and Maestro Dan Hege

This past Saturday Joshua Bell performed at the Tulsa Symphony Gala event. I can tell you that at least EVERY violinist in the orchestra was excited for his performance not to mention all of the music lovers of Tulsa and the surrounding area.

A little background:

Joshua Bell was a child prodigy – as in he’s been performing as a soloist since roughly Middle School age. Some people in the orchestra remember his early performances, when he was just a young boy. My teacher, Sally O’Reilly, remembers seeing him perform in Josef Gingold’s studio class at Indiana University when he was just a child.

On a more personal note, his was the first real violin CD I ever owned. I used to listen to it over and over again when I was around 9 years old. It was my first introduction to some of the standard virtuosic violin repertoire and obviously it had a lasting effect (hello – I still play the violin)

this was released in 1991. So many of my favorite violin hits are on this album. I wonder if I love them so much because of this CD?

Since then Joshua Bell has just gotten bigger and better. I’m pretty sure he’s done just about everything you can think to do as a soloist.

When I lived in Minnesota, I worked where the St. Paul Chamber Orchestra played. My time there overlapped with Bell’s time as an artistic partner meaning I was fortunate enough to watch him perform 3 or 4 times every season. He even signed that very first CD for me. My boss, knowing that I was a violinist, used to schedule me to sell CDs for him (at his signing table!!!) at those events and I can’t even describe how excited I used to get. This was pretty much as close as I thought I would ever come to him. He was always nice to everyone and it was interesting to see the same people come through his line night after night (typically 3 times per weekend). He would greet them so graciously and sometimes remembered other recent performances they had attended (aka he knew who his stalkers were and was still nice to them – a feat I’m sure).

That was about 8-10 years ago and I was content to assume this would be as close to ‘working with Joshua Bell’ as I would ever get. I never EVER would have hoped to share the stage with him. I mean, obviously every violinists wants to be employed and hear great music, and be involved from time to time but it comes with the understanding of how competitive this gig is and how high the odds are stacked against you. I always hoped to see him perform again but never from my front row seat.

do you see me staring in amazement?

When the Tulsa Symphony announced his performance I think we all jumped for joy! It is not often we get guest artists of that caliber in this area. And a violinist – Woohoo!

Bell played Tchaikovsky’s Violin Concerto in D major: One of ‘the big ones’ in violin repertoire. Being the general badass that he is he couldn’t make it to Tulsa until the morning of the performance (a performance in Lubbock, Texas the night before had him a bit held up it seems). When he arrived at the dress rehearsal it was a different beast. We all sat up a little straighter, watched the Maestro a little closer, and took much more detailed notes. He arrived on our scene as a demanding musical force. I wasn’t ready for it. Part of me just wanted to sit back and watch in blind amazement and the other part wanted to dive in and make some music.

A pretty great view, right? That's my ponytail - pretty cool!

It is pretty amazing how expressive he is both physically and musically. His body language portrays exactly what he wants the orchestra to do, where he wants the music to follow him, what notes he wants to emphasize, and the excitement he wants to instill in the music. I guess his time as a music director, artistic partner (he often ‘conducted’ the SPCO from the concertmaster’s seat), soloist, and chamber musician really taught him how to use his entire body as a tool for expression. When he wanted something different he was very courteous and polite with both the conductor and orchestra. His feedback and requests were more about the mood  and feel he wanted to conjure and the articulation he found worked best.

After rehearsal many of us lined up to take photos and greet him. I always get so nervous to talk to famous people I admire (I was also a wreck with the famous runner, Bart Yasso) and have all of these things I probably SHOULD say –if only for my own sake- but never end up saying it because I get so flustered and self-conscious standing in line with other fans whom also want to share a special moment with the star. I didn’t even introduce myself – he had to ask for my name. Whoops! – add photo-

trying not to look too star struck

Anyways, he was so gracious and kind to each of us, waiting patiently for each of us to take photos, listening to us gush about our admiration for him, catching up with orchestra members he knew previously, and chatting with kids. It was nice enough of him to show up for a rehearsal and blow our musical brains but he’s kind, respectful, approachable, and funny. Who is this guy!? He certainly was under no pressure to be a real person – we were all content to stand awkwardly with a non-human superstar!

The concert began with a pre concert performance by the Harmony Project. I just started working with this afterschool program and am a huge fan of what they do. These kids are so cute and enthusiastic! They came to rehearsal and saw Joshua Bell play and were totally blown away. What a great way to conjure enthusiasm in young students! Their little bios can now include ‘performed on the same concert as Joshua Bell’ – not bad for just a few years of training! It took me decades (literally) to cross this off my bucket list. 

Some of the most advanced students from the program joined the orchestra on stage for the National Anthem. They are way cuter than we are so I think the audience and orchestra were very appreciative of their inclusion in the festivities. 

The Program

I thought the musical program was excellent.

The night kicked off with Richard Strauss’ tone poem Don Juan– a virtuosic piece for full orchestra jam-packed full of fireworks. If you’re a violinist you are probably a little too familiar with the first page of this piece as it is included in probably every single orchestra audition in the country.

It is hard, no doubt about it, but much more manageable as part of an ensemble than alone behind a screen with overwhelming nerves, and an intense desire to run away. The slower, romantic love themes are gorgeous and it truly shows the range and sensitivity of the ensemble. A pretty darn impressive way to start the season! 

The Three Cornered Hat, Suite No.2 by Manuel De Falla was up next. It was originally composed for the ballet but was arranged for orchestral performance. The three dances in the second suite are really fun, for both the orchestra and audience, and full of Spanish flavor. They are a funny mix of ‘very difficult to play if trying to read the music exactly as written’ and ‘if you get into the groove it makes much more sense.’

After intermission it was the Joshua Bell show. Obviously we had to save the best for last.

Joshua Bell wore a simple, all black ensemble consisting of waistcoat, dress pants, and black shirt. It was tasteful and discreet and not flashy whatsoever. He even did a twirl to really show off his outfit (just kidding).

The virtuosity of the violin concerto is first hinted at in Don Juan by the entire ensemble and the Spanish feel and dancing energy of the De Falla foreshadow Tchaikovsky’s exhilarating violin concerto (interesting to note that Tchaikovsky admired Édouard Lalo’s violin concerto Symphonie Espagnole written a few year previously because of the Spanish themes and melodies. Another popular Spanish piece from around the same time is Carmen by Georges Bizet). You can hear a little bit of the every so trendy Spanish influence sprinkled throughout Tchaikovsky’s grueling violin concerto.

Back to Bell

Joshua Bell moves quite a bit but tends to stay close to the second violins. I’d like to pat myself on the back and say it is due to our flawless and musical playing but most likely because it is easier to hear the winds and see the different sections. Whatever the reason it was particularly exciting for my stand partner and I manning the front stand of the seconds. I could have sworn I locked eyes with our soloist a few times throughout the performance.

His performance was awesome. Not in the typical overused sense of the word, more in the astounding, otherworldly sense. He plays so furiously it dazzles and not a rough edge was heard in his entire performance. Nothing but a beautiful sweet sound no matter what articulation, phrasing, theme or flashy passagework was at hand. As violinists, it is easy to play too aggressively on the G string we all would have excused a crunch or two (just to cinfirm that he is in fact human) but not a single scratch, crunch, non-gorgeous sound could be found.

His first movement cadenza elicited an audible inhale of wonder from the audience when he hit the first harmonic. The cadenza was flat out fantastic and breath taking (and crazy!). What a treat to see it from so close up. I just love when a crowd of 2000+ is completely silent and totally absorbed watching a performer. The energy in the room is so alive and tangible.

The audience gave his first movement a standing ovation before they allowed him to continue with the 2nd and 3rd movements. His finale was so quick it had many of us tripping to keep up with him in rehearsal. But holy moly was it exciting! The transition from beautiful Canzonetta to Allegro Vivacissimo definitely made everyone wake up.

He closed with the theme from Ladies in Lavender, composed by Nigel Hess a film starring Dame Judy Dench and Maggie Smith. It is charming and very reminiscent of Meditation by Massenet: Tasteful and elegant (and not overplayed), beautifully melodic, nostalgic, lyrical, and lush. This relatively short piece was a great way to offer a bit more music without adding any additional fireworks to the program.

I think every musician onstage was impressed and proud of this performance. It was a great way to start the season. I feel so inspired and motivated to be a better musician and violinist. Without sounding like a cheesy #hashtag I feel pretty darn grateful for the opportunity to take part in this performance and determined to work harder and get better so I can be part of performances of this caliber more often, or dare I say it, all the time.

Leave any comments below. I hope you enjoyed this!

Mini Blog Series Announcement!

This season is pretty special.

My performance schedule includes not 1, not 2, but several (I’ve already lost track!) violin soloists.

I thought, being a violinist myself, that it might be cool to blog about each concert from my up close and professional perspective as a member of the house band.

My goal is to make a mini series of blog posts regarding these concerts, covering rehearsals and performances and offering a glimpse of how some of the magic comes together and what it is like to work with a variety of violinists.

I remember the experience of going to concerts when I was younger - before I was a (somewhat) gainfully employed musician - and marveling at a soloist’s technical abilities and musicianship almost indiscriminately. It could have been anyone and I’m 99.9% positive I was impressed with the performance. I remember being so green to the whole experience, that everyone was just awesome and I wanted to be like that too. I had not yet formed my own opinions regarding musicianship (tempos, phrases, tone, poise etc.) nor had I committed a single thought to what TYPE of performer I would want to be:

a champion of new music and premiers?

Chamber music?

Classical music’s greatest hits?

A period performer?

….the options are endless!

When you’re blissfully young and naive you don’t think about what it means to be a soloist. All of the unglamorous parts of being famous like travelling non stop, being alone in hotel rooms almost everyday, where to find healthy food, what about a workout schedule?

I still don’t think I fully understand what it means to do this but I definitely have a firmer grip on this whole violinist thing.

I know the repertoire now. I’ve played enough recitals and concerts to appreciate and respect the amount of work, discipline, and focus it take to be a soloist (aka A TON) and I finally have some of my own, hard won aesthetics.

This season, I hope you will learn just a little bit from where I sit (literally) or at least find these posts enjoyable.

The soloists run the gamut from international superstars, to up and coming talent, and local concertmasters.

Posts will cover the following topics:

Who is it?

What piece are they playing?

What else is on the program?

What orchestra am I performing with?

 …and with which conductor? (So much to get straight!)

What is their rehearsal demeanor like?

Personal anecdotes?

Cool stuff?

Encores?

Standing Ovation?

Things I didn’t particularly care for?

What did they wear?

Yes, this applies to the Women AND the Men

First Up

Joshua Bell performing the Tchaikovsky Violin Concerto with the Tulsa Symphony and Maestro Daniel Hege on the podium.

Stay tuned for my reports from the field!